Having completed my one year prison sentence for battering
then urinating upon that vile home-wrecker Ricardo, which I victoriously pled
down from a second-degree assault charge (apparently the lilly-livered
prosecutor is unable to withstand the thought of strangling a man in the
process of preserving one’s honor,) I emerge from a one-year creativity hiatus
primed to finally write the master tome that would forever alter the course of
human civilization. I now join the ranks
of historical altruists who have been jailed for pursuing their passions, such
as Gondi, Junior Reverend Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, and Charles Manson. My future is incredibly bright, and during my
spiritual (and I suppose physical,) incarceration I was able to take
college-level courses that will in short order yield me a high-paying job. This will allow me to live in dependently,
purchase a new Prius with even lower emissions (all the better to serve the
natural environment with!) and perhaps even reclaim Puppy-bear from the hobo
who absconded with her following my unjust imprisonment. It will also allow me
to pay in full the obscene $15,000 judgment a certain former ex-spouse won
against me in family court.
As for that trollop Katie, that vile unfaithful excuse for a
wife – I hang my head at the unfairness inherent to entropy. Apparently following my passionate and
assaultive outburst, she did abscond with that damned Ricardo to the capital of
banality that is Las Vegas to marry that so called “Ricky Love” in holy
matrimony as she had once done me. I got
the last laugh, as a letter she wrote me in prison detailed her getting drunk
and putting all her money into that one armed bandit – that idiotic icon of
idiocy, the so called “slut machine.”
The fact that she won several million dollars notwithstanding, I laugh condescendingly
at the foolishness that is the venture of gambling. She also included several
polaroid photographs of her and Ricardo engaged in what appears to be wildly
passionate sexual coitus on their wedding night, photos which were no doubt
delivered in a spirit of petulant spite intended to invoke jealousy but which I
was able to put to good use – they got me out of several attempted shiv-attacks
and other beat-ups during my tenure as a prison denizen. To her credit, Katie
appears to have lost a significant amount of weight. I still hate her, though.
As for me, I fully intend to write the book that will re-frame
the production of human knowledge, all whilst working at a prestigious job and
at long last enjoying the unbridled intimate passions of the pumpmistress, who
advised and succored me through the insipid hell foisted upon me by the wretched
Katie. Pumpmistress, being uneducated
yet very clever with words, says she is “ratchet.” I find this colloquial yet uneducated yet
very clever eloquence deeply arousing.
This is to be the last and final entry in the web-log. All my energies will henceforth be put into
building the tome that shall indeed change the world. All the better to exact revenge upon that
Katie as she lounges with her little boytoy in that banal McMansion and rides
around on that ridiculous blue moped she purchased with her divorce
winnings.
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